Mary

As if you guys have seen my other blog post; Mary Harbaugh was famous in the town she lived in; and a big blogger until her cancer got very bad :) This is a memorable to you Mary; I LOVE you; and miss you very badly the world is never going to be the same without you!








These are some of her post






 Terre Haute, IN

October 3rd 2009

MARY'S STORY - My breast cancer journey began in June 2008. I had a normal mammogram in Sept. 2007, so when I found a large lump one morning, I figured it was a cyst. Luckily, I called my Gynecologist that morning, and the rest, they say, is history. She saw me that same day, and from her office I went for an ultrasound, and eventually a biopsy.

In one day I went from being a healthy, active 41-year-old, to a cancer patient. I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter and surgery nurse... I didn't have time for cancer. My MRI showed that I actually had 3 tumors in one breast (if you're gonna do it, do it big!), the largest of which extended to my chest wall. It wasn't clear if there was chest wall involvement or not, so my course of treatment was 1. Chemotherapy to stop the spread. I qualified for a clinical trial, which I participated in, and worked! 2. Bilateral mastectomies 3. Radiation to the affected side. Treatment lasted from June 2008 to April 2009.

I am happy to report I'm cured! This journey has been so humbling. I would never say cancer is a blessing, but the outpouring of love and support has been amazing. I faced it thinking "It's just a blip in the road of life." The main highlights of my year were Race for the Cure where my friends organized a team of over 50 participants who all wore "Mary's Rack Pack" shirts...it still gives me chills! Meals every Tues. and Thurs. from my friends from July to April...I know, amazing! My co-workers at the Wabash Valley Surgery Center made me a chemo treat basket, filled with gifts so that every time I had a treatment, I got to open a present first...I'm all about the treats!!! Their support allowed me to keep working during all my treatments--work was my haven away from cancer! My family supported me in too many ways to mention: helping with my 4 kids (16 to 7), driving me to appointments, laundry, and all the mundane activities of daily life.

My oldest children, both boys, were also supported by their friends. Jack's Honey Creek Middle School basketball team had a father/son basketball tournament. The boys played the dads. The boys were dressed in pink socks and collected donations for Komen. Also, Sam's Terre Haute South Swimming and Diving team was amazing. Their first invitational meet was in Bloomington, and when they all lined up for the National Anthem, I noticed their bare backs all had Pink Ribbon tattoos with my name on them. To have my then 15 year old come into the stands and say "I love you mom" was truly a defining moment in his life and mine. One of the team's sayings this year was "There are harder things than swimming". My sisters and I have registered to do "The Weekend to End Breast Cancer" walk in Indianapolis this September, and once again, our family and friends are rallying around us with donations. I have 3 sisters, 2 sisters-in-law, a mom, a mother-in-law, and 6 nieces. Anything I can do to further research, screening and treatment I will do. I Do Not want to have to do this for anyone else! There is a reason this happened to me. I figure if I can embrace it instead of hide from it, and even one person's life is saved because of my story, then my public journey has not been in vain.

                                                      This video truely touches my heart...BLESS THIS HIGH SCHOOLER!

"I hope this finds everyone happy, healthy and looking forward to the holidays!  As the “Card” extended family gathered this Thanksgiving I couldn’t help but reflect on the past year.  This time last year I was bald, Anne weighed about 3 lbs. and was still in ICU, I was facing an upcoming double mastectectomy and radiation still…all in all a yucky year.  Please join me in saying a prayer of thanks for all the blessings that were bestowed on my family this year.  Instead of planning 2 funerals, we are celebrating 2 lives!  So, as I glanced around our Thanksgiving table and each person took their turn saying what they were thankful for, I couldn’t help but think of all of you, my family and friends, whose prayers, support and never ending faith brought both Anne and myself through all of this.  There are no words to describe the depth of my gratitude.  Thank you, thank you, thank you—Mary

This weekend started my journey back toward HEALTH!!  Our team, “The Card Girls” raised over $16,000 to benefit the St. Vincent Foundation!  More importantly, (to me) we walked 22 miles on Sat. and 16 miles on Sun!!!  So fun, and so great to prove to myself that I could do it!!  We were greeted at the end by an awesome tailgate and cheering crowd.  Joel, our kids and the Thompson, Ater and Kirsch families plus our parents and Tamie were all there cheering us on.  At the end, we had decided to cross the finish line holding hands, but seeing our daughters there was more than I could take.  So, we crossed holding our daughters hands…THAT’S why I walked…so they won’t have to fight this horrible disease like I have.  I am so thankful for all the support and love I’ve gotten–may it all come back to you in abundance!  Enjoy this beautiful day, and I hope to see everyone at Race for the Cure!"

"Amazingly, just when I think my journey with breast cancer is winding down…something new happens.  Today I got a random call from Nina who works for Wabash Valley Susan J. Komen Affiliate.  Now, being me, I assume she’s going to either ask for money, or ask if I’m going to sponsor a team for Race for the Cure. Instead, she told me I had been nominated by the Wabash Valley Komen board to be a member of the 2009 Team New Balance (as in the shoes).  This award is given to survivors who, oh I don’t know how to describe it.  Anyway, click on the link.  All I know is I get new shoes, shirt, shorts and jacket from New Balance (I’m all about new treats!!).  Also, I have to be recognized at the Race for the Cure on Oct. 3rd.  So, I figure this is one of those “whispers” from God, and there’s a reason that me, who hates being the center of attention, keeps getting dragged in. Hope everyone is doing well, and I’ll keep you posted on my new info…guess this means I better keep exercising!!  Okay, the web site is www.newbalance.com.  If you go to the site, all the way to the right it says “partnerships” and one of the drop downs is “Susan J. Komen”.  After I send my info to Nina, I expect that someday I will be one of the choices of people to click on.  I am so, so grateful to all of you, how can I ever repay all of you??"

At Mary's Funeral Somebody read this .... I LOVED IT

"Last week was filled with Dr. appointments…Dr. Birhiray on Monday, and Dr. Longmire-Cook on Tuesday.  I must have very normal emotions, because they both addressed my feelings of “what now” without me saying anything.  Dr. Birhiray (sweet man that he is) took my hands in his and said “Mary, now it is time to heal and live your life.”  I would of cried, but then he added “and this includes diet and exercise”.  He did however say that my 20 lb. weight gain was common, due to all the drugs, the inactivity, and the fact that they basically stopped my metabolism so that the cancer cells wouldn’t continue to try to spread.  Makes sense, and he probably mentioned that somewhere along the way, but I did, and do, have chemo brain.  Dr. Longmire-Cook was just as supportive, said I would worry less with each day, and that I will not see a plastic surgeon for another 3 months because if they saw my chest now “you would scare them!”  So, appt. with Dr. Haerr beginning of May, and Birhiray and Longmire-Cook in July.  Both said that because of the severe reaction of my body to radiation (thinking is was the mix of the trial drugs…couple of other women also had “radiation toxicity” as he called it…one lady’s shirt would burn (like an iron mark) after tx–yikes!!), reconstruction probably won’t start for a year.  Okay with me–just give me a bra with some fake boobs, and I’m good to go!  My hair, for those of you not fortunate enough to see it, is kinky, curly.  I’m talking those tight little perms that your grandma used to get and then pick out.  VERY SCARY!!  I tried to straighten it last week, pointed this out to Joel and he said…”Don’t ever try to do that again–just go with it!”.  So, for now, curly it is!  I’m going to try to download a pic of Anne and myself from the March of Dimes walk…we graduated from tx at the same time…she has no more feeding tube and no more monitor…completely normal 15 pounder!!!  What a long year.  I wish there was some way I could express my gratitude…there aren’t enough words, and quite frankly, I can’t think about it without crying.  Please know that I thank God for each and every one of you every day…I have been so blessed."

"I guess it’s time for an update.  I’m still plugging away at radiation…definately better than chemo, but it has it’s own drawbacks.  I don’t enjoy going daily, although the people are nice!  I’m starting to look like a marshmallow…slightly brown on the outside.  My skin doesn’t hurt, just feels like I have sun poisioning…kind of itchy!  I’ll be done with my last treatment on April 13th, I think.  It is starting to wear me down physically, which they said would happen.  In my mind I guess I thought I was stronger than this.  On a different note, I just finished reading The Shack.  I feel very in tune with many of the messages given in that book, and for those of you wondering about my positive attitude, I can honestly attribute to my strong sense of faith.  If you’re looking for a good book, I highly recommend it!  Life is normal…Lucy is mad that we can’t go on Spring Break because of radiation…so am I.  We’ve moved on to the next season of sports for the boys…golf for Sam and track and baseball for Jack.  It’s nice to be outside!  I think in another couple of weeks it will be time for my hammock and front porch afternoons.  I’m still working 3-4 days a week; we’re busy and they need me.  It kind of cuts down on my blogging time though, because I’m just too tired.  Keep praying…no blisters so far, so they must be working!  I’ll update later…think spring!  Mary"

"Hey Everyone—I’ve now officially finished one 3 week cycle.  I felt great until Sunday, when I got blisters on my feet and bottom lip.  I feel like the guy from Fat Albert!!  I’m in the middle of my week off, and loving being drug free!!  Thank you to everyone for all your love, food, cards, calls, etc., etc.  We’re all doing great thanks to everyones TLC.  Will keep you posted on my progress (still have hair much to the chagrin of my 2 nephews!!).  xoxo Mary"

It took a little convincing to get Mary to run her first mini-Marathon. She had the normal anxieties any of us would about running 13 miles. She wasn’t sure she could do it, probably wasn’t looking forward to all the training. To help convince her, Lori Danielson began rattling off all the benefits they would get: “It’ll be fun! It will be such a great accomplishment! We’ll get in shape!” Mary was unmoved. “We’ll be in an elite group,” she continued, “we’ll make some new friends!” Finally, Mary said, “Lori, I have enough friends!” This was ridiculous, obviously. For Mary, there was no such thing as enough friends. In fact, she was simply incapable of not making friends, no matter where she was or what she was doing. She did run the Mini that year. And, of course, she did make new friends; some of whom are probably here today.

It is simple to see how she made and kept friends so easily. She was the kind of person that exhibited all of the qualities that drew people to her and made them want to stay. Even if you’d just met her, you couldn’t help but think you’d known her a long time and start looking forward to seeing her again. Mary was always willing to step out, have fun, make everyone feel welcome while still maintaining a strong sense of her own personality and always being her own person.

She probably laughed more than anyone else I’ve ever known. She found true joy and mirth everywhere she looked. She was so full of life and had a sense of humor so self-effacing it was disarming. I’m sure that most of you know one or two embarrassing stories about her. And if you think back to where you heard them, it probably leads directly to the source that knew best: Mary herself. Things that most of us might try to hide – truly embarrassing moments – Mary would openly share, especially if the story would make you laugh and give her a reason to laugh right along with you. She was very serious about living, but she didn’t take herself too seriously.

Nikki was telling me recently about their frequent trips up to Rockville for the Covered Bridge Festival. They loved to peruse the booths there, not to buy anything, but to figure out how the craftsmen where making their goods so they could copy them. During one of those trips, they got to talking about how smart they were to have left the kids at home, especially while they watched others less clever than themselves pushing strollers around in fields that were becoming muddy and difficult. This went on to the point that it became the theme of the day: “look how free we are without our strollers, look at all these other silly people who didn’t plan ahead!” Until they got to the bottom of a particularly steep hill, covered with mud and gravel, and saw a woman struggling to push her husband’s wheelchair. Without a word, Mary walked up behind and pushed him up the hill. Someone needed help and Mary gave it. Her generous, caring, giving spirit on perfect display.

We have lost one of the truly great ones. The world has lost a shining example of a beautiful soul. All of us have lost a dear friend, a loving daughter, a loyal sister, a proud and adoring mother; a committed, tolerant, and devoted wife. A true soulmate.

Our hearts are broken.

I don’t pretend to know why God feels he needs Mary more than Sam, Jack, Lucy and Maggie do. More than Joel does. It is beyond our comprehension. Our hearts are broken, but our Faith is not, because Mary’s wasn’t. Mother Teresa famously said, “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.” He apparently thought a great deal of Mary, too, because he certainly gave her more than most of us could handle, and she carried that cross without complaint.

We watched her fight with the spirit of a warrior; the heart of a Mother. She gave it everything she had and, in the end, succumbed to one of our greatest fears. But she fought the good fight, she maintained hope throughout. She never gave up, she never felt sorry for herself, and she never  stopped thinking of other people.

Earlier this Summer, when Mary was having a particularly difficult time with her chemotherapy, Joe brought her over to St. Vincent’s for an appointment. I happened to arrive at the hospital at roughly the same time. Just looking at her, it was obvious that she was struggling. I stupidly asked – like we all seem to do – “How are you doing, Mary?” She smiled and said, “I have a headache, I’m dizzy, I’m nauseated, my whole body hurts, blah, blah, blah… I have cancer.” Her simple statement of fact carried no illusions or speculation; just the truth. Such was her character, that even when she felt as bad as she could, she was courageous, light-hearted, and generous.

Her great sense of humor was nearly always on display, and this humor and selflessness served her well, even when she had little reason to smile. A couple of weeks ago, Mary was in St. Vincent’s and she and Joel had been told there was really nothing left the doctor’s could do. The decision was made to transition from treatment to comfort care. One night, Mary was in bed and her sisters, Kitty, Jennifer and Melissa were all there in the room her. Worn out, she said to them, “Ok, I’m going to close my eyes now and just die.” The sisters said their goodbyes and she fell asleep… After sleeping for a short time, she woke up, looked around and said, “Well, I guess it’s not automatic!” This was classic Mary: always making light of a situation for the benefit others, always smiling, even in the face of her own death.

So our hearts are broken, and we mourn our loss, and we ask unanswerable questions. But we can’t let that be the end. We must work to find meaning in our loss, a new message of hope, a renewed devotion to live our lives to the best of our ability. To use the blessings and talents that God has given us for the greater good and to the very end. And in these efforts, we need to remember the gifts that Mary brought to us all: Her spirit. Her courage. Her joy. Her resilience. And her love.

William Penn wrote that “Death cannot kill what never dies, nor can spirits ever be divided that live and love in friendship.” So Mary will live on as we remember her, and I will remember Mary as a teenager at swim meets and football games and proms.

I will remember the way she gave her heart to all the children she served at Methodist, so many times becoming far more than a caregiver to them and their parents.

I will remember her as a radiant bride on her wedding day, having been preceded down the aisle by Stewart, one of those patients that became such an endearing part of her life.

I will remember the proud mother who literally beamed when she talked of her kids, and accepted any and all of their friends as her own. It’s no surprise to anyone who knew her that these young men escort her today. Two of her own, and six others that might as well have been.

I’ll remember her carefree laugh and her radiant smile, both of which were on full display so often and with equal intensity on the best of days, as well as the worst.

And I’ll always remember the way she said, “Joel!” when she was ever-so-slightly mortified by something he had said or done. (Which will be easy, because it was a lot.)

I will remember that she was a planner, a gatherer, a bit of a meddler. She loved being in the know, and knowing everything that was going on with everyone around her brought her distinct pleasure. Mary was definitely the type to set someone up on a blind date– not to be intrusive– but because she saw an opportunity for both of them to be happier. It’s an example of her continual focus on other people. Char and I were recipients of this kind of meddling, and I’m thankful for her persistence.

And I’ll remember Mary sitting in her chair by the fire, with a blanket and a book (and, normally, a child or a dog on her lap) watching the action around her, so happy that all those kids and all her friends felt so comfortable in her home.

I’ll remember her co-parenting with Char and Nikki, all while explaining how they were better together than with me or Bret or Joel.

I will remember how, when she hugged you, you knew she meant it.

But mostly, I’ll remember how much she loved Sam, Jack, Lucy and Margaret. How much she loved Joel. And her sisters, her Mom and Dad. Her nieces and nephews. And all of you. She had joy in her spirit and love in her heart that knew no bounds. Even now. She loves you still; and always will.

Sam, Jack, Lucy, and Maggie: We are all called to see the face of God in each other, and your Mom was great at it. I see her kind and generous spirit, and her irreverent sense of humor in all of you. I see her wonderful warmth in each of your smiles. Your Mom was one of a kind and irreplaceable, but she lives on in all of you, and you need only to turn to each other to see her again. But if you need more, all of us with you today – and many more that couldn’t be here – stand ready to help in any way we can, to show our support and love for you, in return for all the ways she gave her heart to us. Because we loved her greatly and love you as well.

As for the rest of us, we have work to do. We need to learn the lessons that Mary was teaching. We need to do everything we can to appreciate the standard she set and put it to work in our lives.

We need to be courageous in the face of things that are truly frightening.

We need to be kind and loving to the people around us who need it the most.

We need to open our hearts as well as our homes to the people we love.

We need to face each day with renewed hope and joy and a commitment to never waste another moment.

We need to take living less for granted.

We need to hug each other so there’s no doubt about how much we mean it.

And in the end, no matter how it comes or what it looks like, we need to keep the Faith that the hand of God is at work in our lives. And though we may not understand the events that unfold or the tragedy that befalls us, it is His plan, and His will, and our role is to make something remarkable come from whatever it may be.

That’s what Mary did, with every moment she was given, and it was an extraordinary blessing to have known her.